The GODFATHER Intro 1/CAPELOTO Nina Gillardi asks What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? GODFATHER Ask my 26 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know either. CAPELOTO Tony Spagnola wants to know GODFATHER I tried donating blood today…NEVER AGAIN! GODFATHER I feel the same way….Too many stupid questions: Who’s blood, is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket? CAPELOTO Jimmy Russo has an unusual question…. Why does my girlfriend have problems when I offer to wash her back in the shower? GODFATHER I had the same problem. I asked my wife when she took a shower, do you want me to wash your back or what? Just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ Not all this “Who are you and how did you get in here?”

2/Godfather Intro CAPELOTO Lizzie Dominico tried a new way to melt butter.. GODFATHER, Interesting….Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. CAPELOTO 1 Freddie Portola wants to know Hot to get your wife’s attention? GODFATHER Just sit down and look comfortable. CAPELOTO Jimmy Panzini raves about selling merchandise on E-Bay Godfather Great Idea I Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time. CAPELOTO Jerry Interno is depressed. He says… I grew up with Bob Hope, Steve Jobs, and Johnny Cash. Now there’s no jobs, no cash, and no hope. GODFATHER Let’s hope nothing happens to Kevin Bacon.

3/Godfather Intro CAPELOTO Joe Marino claims s he can still remember his childhood phone number GODFATHER… Good for you Joe…. I can’t remember my wife’s name. CAPELOTO Jimmy Pasquali writes….One minute you’re young and fun. And next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better. GODFATHER That’s true…Think you’re old and you will be old. Think you are young, and you’re delusional. CAPELOTO Ernie Gallo wants to know if you have ever had a scary moment? GODFATHER… Yes I have…There’s nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, “They are going to find me naked.” CAPELOTO Vito Tasselli say’s I feel great about life Godfather what say you? GODFATHER If I’m Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave—I say I’m having a very good day.

4/Godfather Intro CAPELOTO Larry Milano says life is an open Door. Godfather how do you feel about life? GODFATHER When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison! CAPELOTO Nina Gillardi asks What did our parents do to kill boredom before the internet? GODFATHER Ask my 26 brothers and sisters, and they didn’t know either. CAPELOTO Tony Spagnola wants to know I tried donating blood today…NEVER AGAIN! GODFATHER…. I feel the same way….Too many stupid questions: Who’s blood, is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket? CAPELOTO Jimmy Russo has an unusual question…. Why does my girlfriend have problems when I offer to wash her back in the shower? GODFATHER I had the same problem. I asked my wife when she took a shower, do you want me to wash your back or what? Just say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ Not all this “Who are you and how did

Godfather Intro you get in here?” CAPELOTO Lizzie Dominico tried a new way to melt butter.. GODFATHER, Interesting….Today, I melted an ice cube with my mind just by staring at it. It took a lot longer than I odfather Freddie Portola wants to know Hot to get your wife’s attention? GODFATHER Just sit down and look comfortable. CAPELOTO Jimmy Panzini raves about selling merchandise on E-Bay GODFATHER Great Idea I Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay for the 22nd time. CAPELOTO Jerry Interno is depressed. He says… I grew up with Bob Hope, Steve Jobs, and Johnny Cash. Now there’s no jobs, no cash, and no hope. Godfather Let’s hope nothing happens to Kevin Bacon.

Godfather Intro CAPELOTO Joe Marino claims s he can still remember his childhood phone number Godfather… Good for you Joe…. I can’t remember my wife’s name. CAPELOTO 1 Jimmy Pasquali writes….One minute you’re young and fun. And next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better. GODFATHER That’s true…Think you’re old and you will be old. Think you are young, and you’re delusional. CAPELOTO 2 Ernie Gallo wants to know if you have ever had a scary moment? GODFATHER… Yes I have…There’s nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower and you think, “They are going to find me naked.” CAPELOTO 3 Vito Tasselli say’s I feel great about life Godfather what say you? GODFATHER If I’m Not in jail, not in a mental hospital, not in a grave—I say I’m having a very good day. CAPELOTO 4 Larry Milano says life is an open Door. Godfather how do you feel about life? GODFATHER When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison!

The Godfather 1 CAPELOTO Abigale Van Buren has been giving advice To millions of readers for years. Now our own Godfather comes onto the scene with his opinions that will better your lives. Let’s welcome your friend And mine, the Godfather. (kiss the ring) 1. CAPELOTO Joey Santini wants to know “ why is every women he meets a little crazy? GODFATHER “Here’s all you have to know about men and women; woman are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason woman are crazy is that men are stupid.” 2. CAPELOTO Alecia Pannini asks Why Do People Say “I Slept Like a Baby when Babies Wake Up Ten Times Every Hour? 2. LARRY Alecia Pannini asks Why Do People Say “I Slept Like a Baby when Babies Wake Up Ten Times Every Hour? GODFATHER Good Question, I’m still trying to figure Out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. 3. CAPELOTO Nino Mangino says “My wife does not trust me doing anything. GODFATHER You think that’s bad, my wife wanted To see my paycheck go farther, So she took it to Paris. 4. CAPELOTO Jimmy Oliva Says his wife is gone nut-zo! She’s got our two dogs fixed, our Cats fixed and now she want’s Me to get fixed. GODFATHER You think that’s bad, my wife got our Goldfish A vasectomy. CAPELOTO Santini Ferrarro sent this question, Do you trust psychiatrists? GODFATHER Not really, the last time I went to the Shrink, I told him I can’t stop believing I’m a dog. He asked me how long Has this been going on? I told him since I was a puppy.

Godfather Larry Intro In this wild and crazy world we live in, everyday’s a challenge. We are in the Prescence of a man that has a handle On life liberty and lots of Other things. Let’s welcome our guru of advice, the son of An Italian immigrant, Tony “The Godfather” Kierland. 1. LARRY Maria Bellcosa says I wear a bikini that covers Only 10 percent of my body. Why do men always look At the 10 per cent rather than the Rest of my 90 Per Cent. GODFATHER You think that’s bad, a peeping Tom Called my wife and asked her to lower The shade. 2. LARRY Albert Siena writes my wife hates it when I mention She looks a little heavy. GODFATHER I just read a study that found, women who Carry a little extra weight live longer Than men who mention it. 3. LARRY Danny Pastorini wants to know how he Can be more like his wife. GODFATHER Danny, the next time you go to bed, tell her You have a headache. 4. LARRY Josie Ferara writes When I went to Catholic Grade School one nun Taught me how to be nice to people. Her name was Sister Mary Mother Theresa. GODFATHER Funny, when I went to Catholic Grade School I had a nun that was six foot three and Whacked me with a three foot ruler anytime I Caused trouble in class. Her name was Sister Mary King Kong! LARRY Joe Palerrmo from Lincoln Heights asks an interesting Question. Does the Godfather know what Dolly Partton’s zip code is? GODFATHER Dolly Partton’s zip code....umm Just a guess 42 24 36 

Godfather 3 LARRY INTRO The time has come when the bolognese sauce meets The spaghetti, when clams visit the linguini, and when Cheese and pepperoni get married to create a delicious pizza. The Godfather marinates his opinions with commentary, And helps thousands with his profound advice, Let’s welcome our next guest, Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando. 1. LARRY Mickey Comforte wants to know how mountains Are named. GODFATHER Well lets see, Mount Everest was named after Surveyor George Everest. Mount Etna was named after a Greek God Etena Mount Vesuvius was named after a guy named Hercules. And Mount Baldy was named after Telly Savalas. 2. LARRY Gary Graziano asks, I do my taxes every year, And Every year I pay more, I guess the rich get Richer and the poor get poorer. Name one Guy that’s richer after April 15th. GODFATHER H. R. Block 3.LARRY Jamie “the Pizza Man” Giraldo says he and his Bowling team take lots of legal medical Marijuana before they have a match. He’s Searching for a name for his bowling team. GODFATHER Try the “High Rollers.” 4. LARRY Andy Fredrico say’s he eats plenty of healthy Foods. His wife last week made him A pot roast using Hamburger Helper. Now he’s in a state of constipation. Andy says What should I do? GODFATHER If I were you Andy, I would head out To Home Depot and by a gallon Of Plumber’s Helper. 5. LARRY Sabastian Lauriano writes My wife likes to sleep on a very soft mattress. It’s one of those memory mattresses that you dial in a sleep number. Her number doesn’t work for me.Your advice. GODFATHER I tried those fancy number mattresses, the one With a memory. Now it’s trying to Blackmail me.

Godfather 4 CAPELOTO INTRO We have the privilege of visiting with our favorite Italian, Tony “the Godfather, DiJerlando. He’s here to answer all your questions about life, liberty and the pursuit of a great cannoli. 1. LARRY Janie Abbatte From Springfield says, “I have a hard time saying NO.” When my boyfriend says he wants to go out with the boys and comes home with lipstick on his color, should I be upset? Am I giving him to much freedom? GODFATHER No Janie.... You’re boyfriend seems to be living an interesting life. Could you please E-mail his address, I would like to find out if he needs any help with the ladies, if you know what I mean. 2. LARRY Joey Vivilacqua from South Chicago reports, Godfather I am the president of the South Side chapter of Windy City Pole Dancers. We want to ban customers that tip our dancers with nickles and dimes, instead of cold hard cash. What do you suggest we do? GODFATHER I’m thinking of a visual of this request. I’m not doing anything tonight call our producer and I’ll head over to your club and give you some ideas. 3. LARRY Neddy LaFerrara from Lake Forest “I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry when you want to eat 2,000 of something.” GODFATHER Rice is good for you. My dad Proved it. He ate two large bowls of rice A day and lived to be 103. I was at the cremation, his body went went “Snap, Crackle And Pop!” 4. LARRY Jenny Ambrose asks why are some Men so uncouth? GODFATHER We men do our own thing, Jenny. For instance, I always wondered why Women see me naked for the first time They scream and run our of the park. 5. LARRY Tina Signorelli wants to know who came Up with the saying, “when it rains it pours.” GODFATHER I don’t know but when it does rain What catches my eye are very short people With umbrellas.

Godfather 5 LARRY INTRO The world has no greater adviser for The little man than our friend and Confidant Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando. Let’s have a big Wise Guys Cooking Welcome for the “Godfather.” LARRY Let’s begin with Michael Lampora from North Chicago. Godfather I’m 42 years old, they say that One out of 3 Italian men see their mother Every day. I think I’m the one of those men. GODFATHER Join the crowd. I see my mother at least 5 times a week, how else would I get My shirts ironed, get my underwear pressed. And get A months supply of bolognese sauce. 2. LARRY Ammy Maisano My boyfriend Mario phones his mother At least 5 times a day. Especially if there Is an important decision to make. Why doesn’t He trust my judgment? GODFATHER Let’s face it. Italians have a growing number of Mommy’s boys. I conducted a survey and found That 7 out of 10 unmarried men under 35 Live With their parents. The other three percent still Live with there parents. 3. LARRY Patty D’Amico Says “My husband and I live with his parents. I guess that is an old Italian tradition. But I’m going crazy, dealing with my Mother and Father-n-law, my husband caters to them Hand And foot. That’s Not what I signed up for. GODFATHER C’mon Patty, make the best of a touchy Situation. Learn how to make ravioli’s, bake bread, Lasagna, make love not war. In my case, My mother-n-law is from the old school, She Doesn’t shave under her arms.... and her legs Are so hairy, her knees have bangs. 4. Larry Marc Madero says he spends maybe 15 minutes a day With His father and more than three hours a day With his mother. Is there something wrong With him? Godfather That’s a big problem. Your future wife Will be in competition with your mother. My advice is be your own man, I learned one Thing one I got married, there’s only one Way to handle a woman, but nobody knows What it is. 5. Larry Nino Rinella says I believe in “Iiving my life like that Doris Day Song, “Que sera Sera, whatever will be will be.” Godfather what do you believe? Godfather “I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose got vodka, and have a party.”

Godfather 6 Larry Intro Known on the internet as the author of“The Last Dance in Naples.” and many other Books made for the “big screen,” stout and full of large ideas, we welcome Once again, Italian philosopher and student of The famous Roman poet, Giovanni Mostacholli, Let’s welcome Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando. 1. Larry Jamie Giardello complains about his wife. “Godfather my wife is a backseat driver but she sits in the passenger seat Consistently Smacking her lips about the way I drive.” Godfather Her lips could get dry from all the chirping. Try giving her a glue stick instead of chap stick. 2. LARRY Anna Marie from Skokie wants to know Why Does everyone believe in climate change. GODFATHER Well, Anna Marie, 70% of our planet is covered in water, the other 30% is covered in idiots.” 3. LARRY Sally Salta says her doctor wants her to lose Weight. If you were my doctors what advice Would you give me. GODFATHER Advice,,,,humm... I would tell you to stop eating,....Fatty! 4. LARRY Jimmy “Lover Boy” Mancini Does every man need a mistress? GODFATHER Jimmy, God made man, God made women, And when God found out that men loved More than one woman, he invented message parlors. 5. LARRY Betty Della Forte My husband and I are thinking of getting a divorce. My husbands a lousy lover, What’s your advice? GODFATHER To be honest, if it weren’t for divorce, where would Dating sites get their clients? 

Godfather 7 LARRY INTRO I’d like to introduce a man with a lot of charm, talent, and wit. A man that can look Into the future and forget about the past. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be here tonight, so instead I would like to introduce my friend and your’s who edited my Introduction and eliminated the words “his excellency’, Tony The Godfather DiJerlando. GODFATHER Thank you Larry, A good introduction, Is like a woman’s skirt, should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. I’m am delighted to be here and share my Words of wisdom with your audience. 1.LARRY Well Godfather, let’s get Started. Vito from Southern Wisconsin Say’s Godfather “I don’t know if there’s A cure but I keep stealing things What Should I do.” GODFATHER Send me your information and I will send you Vito “Five Fingers” Colucci’s book “Taking Shoplifting To the Next Level,” read it and if that doesn’t do The trick, when you get the urge, get me A color TV set. 2.LARRY Joey Gianelli says, I’m tired of criminals getting away With murder. It takes the courts years To bring bad people to justice. Do you have any Ideas “Godfather?” GODFATHER You know in my hometown they’re speeding Up the justice system with an express line For criminals charged with shoplifting 10 Items or less. 3.LARRY Jimmy Lazorini Says “Godfather, I can’t stand it any longer, Every time I open the mail it’s another bill, I can’t make enough money to support myself.” GODFATHER I know how you feel, why ask folks to live Within their income when they can’t live Within their credit. 4. LARRY Vito Costelli writes, “this global warming, Climate Change talk has me totally confused.” What say You Godfather? GODFATHER Vito my friend, years ago everybody thought the World was flat. Then they decided it was Round. Today we all know in crooked. 5. LARRY Jerry Colangelo is very concerned about his Health. “Godfather I’m in my early 20’s, my girlfriend Says some of the food I eat before we Get married will ruin me For The rest of my life. Godfather what is the Most dangerous food you can eat. Godfather Jerry, that’s an easy one, take it from me The most dangerous food to eat is Wedding Cake.

Godfather 8 LARRY We were worried about our guest tonight wouldn’t be able to make it tonight. But, fortunately, due to a hung jury and a hole in the prosecution’s case the judge gave him permission to appear on our Show today, Let’s welcome Tony The “Godfather” Dijerlando. Godfather Larry Thanks for the introduction You remind me why they build Senior Housing. 1.LARRY Let’s get on with it. Leo Nanini from Oak Park says Everyone I know says families are like a box of Chocolates. Different flavors for different folks. GODFATHER My in laws are like a giant box of Chocolates, mostly sweet with a lot of nuts. 2.LARRY Giovanni Cetera I’m tired of watching violence on TV. Godfather What do you think? GODFATHER You’re right Giovanni, the other day I Saw two murders, 6 fights, an earthquake, and A nuclear disaster. That’s the last time I’ll Watch the Saturday morning cartoons. 3. LARRY Sammy Gicola writes I’m 90 years old, not feeling that great, How should I feel when I wake up in the morning? GODFATHER You should feel Amazed! 4. LARRY David Capone You know Godfather it gets cold here In Chicago. Last winter in got down to 10 degrees below and 30 wind chill. How Do you handle the cold? GODFATHER Last winter it was so cold I looked in my Closet and my coat was wearing a sweater. 5. LARRY Tony Perrata My wife is way overweight. She wants a Divorce. She is charging me with Mental cruelty, she told her lawyer I’ve caused her to lose 30 pounds. Her divorce lawyer says file for divorce Right now. She’s not sure if it’s the right time. GODFATHER She’s probably trying to lose another 30 pounds. 6. LARRY Larry Ambrose writes I’m not the worlds greatest Speaker, but my boss wants me to open our company Meeting with a joke. Any ideas? Godfather You want a big laugh, TELL THEM YOUR A MARRIED MAN!

GODFATHER 9 ANNOUNCER Let’s welcome our favorite messenger from years gone by, a man with the knowledge and old school thought that made this country great, let’s welcome the Godfather. GODFATHER Thank you for that wonderful introduction, you would have made it big in our little world of Gumbas. ANNOUNCER Joey Cortino lamesn LIFE IN THE ’70s we had everything that we wanted as teenagers. GODFATHER Back in the day you didn’t have to go to school or work. You got an allowance every month. You had your own pad. No curfew. You had youre own driver's license and your own car. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant and I don't have acne. Life is great. ANNOUNCER Gino LaBarbara says my uncles back in the day drove their cars, no horns, no road rage, when you were younger how did you handle driving down streets in Chicago. GODFATHER I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now. ANNOUNCER Jimmy Lantero wants to know did you date a lot? GODFATHER Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers. I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

GODFATHER 9 We have the pleasure to have in our midst a man with a wealth of worldly knowledge. He was a high school dropout but shares beliefs that we all share. Let’s welcome our favorite Godfather. ANNOUNCER Nancy Paterno asks...Godfather how do you stay in the fabulous shape you’re in? GODFATHER I decided to stop calling the bathroom "John" and renamed it the "Jim". I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. ANNOUNCER Giovanni Rizzo says he has a bad time resting as he grows older what is your advice? GODFATHER Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now it feels like a small vacation. ANNOUNCER Joseph Gentile want to know how do you stay so smart? GODFATHER The biggest lie I tell myself is... " I don't have to write that down, I'll remember it". ANNOUNCER Victoria Rocca notices you have a full head of hair. No gray hair. GODFATHER I don't have gray hair... I have "wisdom highlights"! I'm just very wise. ANNOUNCER Tommy Regas how do you stay so limber? GODFATHER You know Tommy, this is my philosophy If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees

GODFATHER 11 ANNOUNCER It’s time to introduce a man of judgement love and undeniable knowledge, let’s welcome our guest the Godfather. ANNOUNCER Let’s start with questions from our viewers. Lenny Sabatino asks if you can recommend a self help group ANNOUNCER Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet. GODFATHER Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway? ANNOUNCER Karen Pompeo asks do you ever talk to your self? GODFATHER Of course, I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice. At my age "Getting Lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came In there for.