Stugots Trial

THE COURT TRIAL Written by Mike Colonna BAILIFF Bailiff ALL RISE!! PARTICIPANTS RISE. The Court of Truth and Justice and the American Way. The Honorable Hubert Blaine Wolfe-In-Stein Hausen-Schlong-Goldberg-FinkleStein-Birgdoff-schlegel-Hausenbergerdorff - Senior Presiding. Bailiff put’s an Oxygen Mask and takes a deep breath! All

Rise!!! The Court of Justice is now in session. The Jury together with the participants begin chanting for 30 seconds. USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA-USA The Bailiff turns to the Jury and Visitors and begins wildly directing the chant. JUDGE Quiet in the Courtroom. The Judge slams his gavel. BAILIFF All be seated! Turns to the Judge. Let’s show our respect to Judge The Honorable Hubert Blaine Wolfe-In-Stein Hausen-Schlong-Goldberg- “You get the picture!!!! Turns to the Judge. All

BAILIFF Judge? JUDGE Whose representing the Defendant? DEFENDANTS ATTORNEY It is I your Honorable Highness, I mean Judge Hubert Blaine Wolfe-In-Stein Hausen-Schlong. Judge stops the Attorney and cuts her off. JUDGE Continue.... All

DEFENSE ATTORNEY May it please the court, The Attractive Defense Attorney approaches the judge and hands him some pictures of her in a Bikini! Over the shoulder of the Judge looking at Pictures of the Female Defense Attorney in a Bikini Pose. The Bailiff moves over to take a peak, the Judge turns the picture away from the Bailiff. The Judge and Defense Attorney wink at each other. JUDGE The Court is pleased, we’ll meet later in my chambers, now continue with your first witness. He looks to the Prosecution Attorney PROSECUTION ATTORNEY I call my first witness Bailiff swears the first witness in. An attractive young lady chewing a wad of gum enters the witness stand lifts her right arem. All

BAILIFF Do you promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth to help your client so help you God? WITNESS ONE I do. BAILIFF State your name for the record. WITNESS ONE Stormy Peters, I was named after the award winning actress Stormy Daniels. My friends call me Fonda. The Judge looks at the Defense Attorney they wink at each other. JUDGE Continue. PROSECUTOR Do you know the accused defendant Blackie. Miss Fonda Peters? All

WITNESS ONE I met him a few times at his ranch. PROSECUTOR Why are you here, Miss Peters? WITNESS ONE I’m here as a character witness and I can tell you he’s quite a character. PROSECUTOR How so. WITNESS ONE One night I was in this bar and got so blasted I asked him to drive me home. PROSECUTOR What kind of car did Mr. Blackie drive? WITNESS ONE It was a 64 Buick Skylark. With Positraction. PROSECUTOR Positraction? How do you know it was a 64 Buick Skylark? WITNESS ONE The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in California knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing. The judge looks at the witness with a peculiar look. All

JUDGE Miss Peters are you sure you’re in the right courtroom. WITNESS ONE Well it says here that I should be in courtroom one eleven. JUDGE Well Miss Fonda Peters, can I call you Fonda, (smiling) you are definitely in the wrong court room. WITNESS ONE So sorry Judge. Fonda Sashays out of the courtroom. All

BAILIFF The defendants attorney, please call your first witness. DEFENSE ATTORNEY Thank your honor. Our first witness is the accused. Mr. Blackie. Blackie, the witness approaches the bench, and hands the judge a thick envelop filled with money. The judge opens the envelop and looks pleased. JUDGE Proceed. BAILIFF Do you promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. BLACKIE I do! DEFENSE ATTORNEY State your name for the record. BLACKIE Blackie, just Blackie. DEFENSE ATTORNEY For the record do you plead guilty to the Blackmailing of Mayor Stugots? BLACKIE I plead not guilty. DEFENSE ATTORNEY Your witness. All

Prosecutor approaches the witness. PROSECUTOR Mr. Blackie, can I call you Blackie. BLACKIE That’s my name. PROSECUTOR We have a video of you and your men threatening bartender - bailiff please play the video. The two minute video plays on the screen. PROSECUTOR Is that you Mr. Blackie threatening the Bartender? BLACKIE It looks like me, but it looks like the tape’s been doctored with some new tech crap. AI, IUD, UPS just looks doctored. All

PROSECUTOR Your excellency I mean your honor, the Prosecution rests it’s case! JUDGE Well, under the circumstances my verdict is Guilty as charged! Blackie looks at the Judge. BLACKIE What about the money in the envelop? All

JUDGE There’s no money in this envelop, Bailiff takes him away. The Judge displays the empty envelop. Slams the gavel. JUDGE Court is adjourned!!!!