No Eyewitness News

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS WISE GUYS LIVE 1 Lantero MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. GILGALLO In New York City Quintuplets were born 15 months early. Authorities are still looking for the father of this historic event. GILGALLO Authorities are looking for a bank robber, was it a he or she, could her shape have given it away? JOEY Chicago medical officials have announced that a new miracle cure has killed more than 10 patients. JOEY A drunk woman dressed in a Pirate costume stole the Newport Beach car ferry over the weekend and yelled she was Jack Sparrow. Police say the Car Ferry has been spotted somewhere between San Pedro and Catalina harrasing cruise ships. GILGALLO A new study has revealed that more people want to live than die. Here’s our reporter Mark Lantero with their opinions on life and death. LANTERO We’re standing in front of Piero’s Italian Restaurant on El Paseo, sir what’s your name. CHUCK My name is Chuck Gabrielle, I got one thing to say, It’s great to be above the ground! And also let me say I like looking down on the grass instead of looking up from under six feet under. LANTERO I’m Mark Lantero, back to you guys in the studio! JOEY In Chicago despite a growing number of dead bodies discovered in Chicago’s Forest Preserves Chicago’s mayor says the Preserves are a safe place to hold picnics and family events. JOEY A woman in a sumo wrestler suit assaulted her ex-girlfriend in a gay night club after she waved at a man dressed up as a Snickers Bar. GILGALLO That’s all the NO Eyewitness News for tonight, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS WISE GUYS LIVE 2 POMPONIO MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. GILGALLO A recent headline in an Iowa newspaper reported that “A meat head” had resigned. He was the president of the local meat packer association. GILGALLO One county in Washington is paying $25,000 to advertise in a local newspaper to alert readers that it’s going out of business. JOEY Renown scientists in Flushing, New York, who’ve studied the subject for years have determined that germs cause Illness. JOEY A local policeman from a the town of Deadwood lost his nose during a circumcision's ceremony. JOEY Fire crews in Massachusetts were called after smoke seen in the sky turned out to be a cloud. The low flying cloud was seen passing over Lake Stupid in central Mass. Let’s hear from our reporter Tony Pomponio who’s standing in front of Mama Gina’s restaurant on El Paseo, Tony are your there? TONY (Tangled up in Mic chords caught by surprise.) I’m standing here with Sonny Vellozzi, sir why are your here? SONNY I was having a nice plate of Linguini and Clams and you interrupted my lunch. TONY Sir, we’re here on Live TV have you ever seen a flying saucer. SONNY No I have not, now if you don’t get otta hear your going to see one hit you right in the face. TONY Back to you’s guys in the studio. GILGALLO This story just in, a group of Climate enthusiasts have claimed that Rain is the biggest factor in Flooding. GILGALLO A Royal British and Scottish Psychic Society has predicted that the world didn’t end yesterday. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 3 CAPELOTO WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to NoEyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. GILGALLO An local policeman from a the town of Loco lost his nose during a circumcision's ceremony. GILGALLO In Florence Italy a student electrocuted his nipples and is suing his teacher for not warning him it was dangerous. GILGALLO A local school district in Dumbo Maryland determined that overweight kids may not be eating enough. JOEY Manchester Vermont, a local news paper’s ad for a local hospital has resorted to hiring doctors. JOEY In Washington DC a local newspaper reports that the “Economy has recovered Except where it hasn’t. JOEY In Palm Springs there are reports that a woman from Weight Watchers was caught shoplifting cupcakes at the Angelo’s bakery. Let’s go to reporter Larry Capeloto with more on this story. LARRY We’re standing here with Frank DiSalvo, a singing legend here in Palm Springs, who saw the shoplifter. DISALVO Frank “song” Yea I saw the woman, she not only stole three cupcakes but police found five canolli’s stashed in her purse. LARRY Back to you guys in the studio. GILGALLO In downtown Palm Springs, a stabbing disturbed at a class for anger management. The woman claimed she was innocent, since she had just received the knives from one of the shopping networks and wanted to test them on her friends. (To see if they were sharp enough) GILGALLO Headlines in Parker, Arizona. Weather forecasters call for weather on Monday. GILGALLO A Royal British and Scottish Psychic Society has predicted that the world didn’t end yesterday. I’m Richie GilGallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 4 DEES MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. JOEY Thanks for showing up for “NO Eyewitness News. We bring you the top stories you can “fogettabout!” GILGALLO In Stockton California a newspaper headline reads, Planes are free to land at airports. GILGALLO In Minneapolis a construction worker suffered leg pain after a crane dropped a 800 pound ball on his head. JOEY In Los Angeles a man kidnapped his ex-wife to his ironing done. JOEY A pychic was arrested again in Desert Hot Springs she told friends she didn’t see it coming. JOEY A Riverside couple discovered a thief in their home after the owner told a dirty joke and heard someone laughing upstairs. JOEY A man accidently killed himself by putting a condom over his head. Next to his bed investigators found a can of laughing gas. For more on that story let’s go to reporter Michael Dees. DEES We’re standing here with noted publicist Charlie Barrett. Sir have you ever heard of someone committing suicide by putting a condom over his head? CHARLIE No I have not, this does not sound like a “happy ending.” DEES Sending it back to you guys. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS WISE GUYS LIVE 5 POMPONIO STORY for showing up for “NO Eyewitness News. We bring you the top stories you can “fogettabout!” GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. GILGALLO A man named Guido, from Orange County California walked into a bar and admired a stuffed lion’s head mounted on the wall. He told the owner what a beautiful trophy. The owner of the bar said “I wouldn’t call it beautiful, that lion killed my wife.” On a safari, The man asked? No, The Lion trophy fell on her head. GILGALLO Sicily’s worst air disaster happened early this morning when a small two engine airplane crashed into a Italian cemetery. Rescue workers recovered more than 1826 missing bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues. JOEY The American Physic's guild reports, older folks are happier having fortune tellers read the wrinkles on their face rather than reading their palms. For more on that story we go to reporter Tony Pomponio. POMPONIO I’m here with noted phycic Frank Montiforte. Sir is it true that older folks that go to mind reader would rather have the wrinkles on their face rather than having their palms read? MONTIFORTE Our Mind Readers Guild is collecting images of wrinkles on senior citizens faces so they can download them on a Mind Reading Mustache. The answer to all of the questions will be right under their nose. POMPONIO Thank you Frank, now back to you guys in the studio. JOEY A very interesting story, some schools in New York are so tough, high schools newspapers have obituary columns. MICHAEL Sending it back to you guys. GILGALLO I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS WISE GUYS LIVE 6 DIANGELO MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. JOEY Thanks for showing up for “NO Eyewitness News. We bring you the top stories you can “fogettabout!” GILGALLO Yesterday at a Chicago Mental Health hospital a doctor crossed a room with 2 new patients. One patient was sawing an imaginary two by four the other was hanging from a beam on the ceiling. The doctor looked at the man with the saw and asked him why is your friend hanging from the ceiling? The patient said “He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor said you should get him down he might hurt himself,” What are you crazy then I’d have to work in the dark! GILGALLO You heard how bad it is to fly these days, cancelled flights, pilots not showing up to work, An insider reports that during Christmas some airlines are putting mistletoe at baggage counters so you can kiss you luggage goodbye! JOEY This just in, the walking dead are among us. A cannibal returned home and tells his wife, I just brought home an old friend for dinner. His wife said, Good put him in the freezer, we’ll have him next week for dinner. JOEY Vito Taselli, our media watchdog is reporting the TV violence as reached a new high. One viewer complained that he saw 2 murders, 6 fights, an earthquake, and a nuclear disaster. That’s the last time he’ll watch the Saturday morning cartoons. JOEY In Chicago, schools are so tough, when kids get their school picture taken, there’s one taken from the front and one from the side. Reporter Michael DiAngelo is with Massimo Uro. MICHAEL Sir have any of your children been asked to take student pictures from the front and one from the side of their face. MASSIMO No but the other night I visited the Palm Springs Jail where they accused me of getting drunk on four glasses of Limoncello. MICHAEL Did they take your picture? MASSIMO No, fortunately for me the policeman let me go. MICHAEL He let you go? MASSIMO Yes, he was my wife’s brother, Nico Fortunato. MICHAEL Sending it back to you guys. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Cent'anni , and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 7 LARRY CAPELOTO WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo FLOWERS And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. JOEY Thanks for showing up for “NO Eyewitness News. We bring you the top stories you can “fogettabout!” JOEY Guytano Mantucchi asked his wife, how long can a man live without brains. She said , I don’t know, how old are you? JOEY One of the major causes for death are too many birthdays. JOEY A man almost lost his life after getting hit over the head with an accordion yesterday in Times Square. The accordion man had his monkey on a leash collecting tips with a tin cup. A man who didn’t like Italians insulted him when he told the accordion player “Italians are so cute when their little.” GILGALLO This just in, In Coachella a cow was killed by a milk truck. GILGALLO In Beaumont police found a headless body in a topless bar. GILGALLO In Palm Desert a old man was surprised to learn that he had been depositing his mail for two years in the dog poo box. Our reporter Larry Capeloto is talking to our guest Mr. Neville M. Longbottom, Larry? LARRY Sir how did you learn about your poo box mail drops. NEVILLE M. LONGBOTTOM My eye sight isn’t as good as it use to be, the sign on the box reads Mail Box in small letters it reads for Dogs. My wife say’s I’ve got a case of “Poopzheimers.” By the way what does the M. In Neville M. Longbottom stand for. NEVILLE O. LONGBOTTOM Magoo. LARRY Back to our No Eyewitness News studio. JOEY A man named Frank Coletti took his wife to the doctor. The Doctor told him “I’m not too thrilled with the way your wife looks,” Coletti said “That makes two of us.” His wife filed for divorce the next morning. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 8 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. JOEY Let’s get started. This story is from Vinny’s think tank in Brooklyn New York. “America is a land of untold wealth. Cause most of it is untold when you file your tax returns. JOEY Joseph Fugazzi’s testimony yesterday in court did not help his case. The prosecutor asked him where he came from. Fugazzi said Sicily. I came here from Palermo 50 years ago. All I had were the clothes on my back and a plain white handkerchief folded in my pants.” The prosecutor asked “What did you have in the folded handkerchief?” Fugazzi said, “As I remember I had four hundred thousand in cash and a quarter of a million in negotiable bonds.” Fugazzi lost his case. GILGALLO In Florence Italy. A sociologist from New Jersey went to Italy to study the longevity of the Italian Lover. As he was in route to Rome, he passed man in black pants and a plain white shirt working in a vineyard. The sociologist stopped and asked the man about his sexual activities. The man said, I have’a sex maybe fifiteen times every year.” The sociologist said “That’s not too much.” The man said “That’s not bad for a priest without a car.” GILGALLO This just in from our Southern Italy newsroom, a plane with engine trouble was flying over the Neapolitan coast yesterday, and reporters listened to the pilots call, he said “Ladies and Gentlemen, you have all heard the expression “See Naples and die?” I would suggest you look out the window before we crash. JOEY In Banning a 10 year old stole his parents car to visit his grand parents 88 miles away. He told police that stopped him he was a dwarf and forgot his drivers license at home. Police believed him and let go. For more on this story let’s go to reporter Tony Pomponio. POMPONIO We’re here with Frank Monteforte, the 10 year old boys grandfather. What can you tell us about this youngster and how did he learn to drive when he is so young? MONTIFORTE GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 9 LANTERO WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! GILGALLO Stories direct from our reporters from all over the countryside and other places. GILGALLO This story is from our Miami Bureau. Rose Fiorito sent her husband Giano to the bakery for a loaf of bread. Two years later Giano hadn’t returned. Rose, was worried. She looked for him for more than two years. She searched everywhere, she called the Knights of Columbus, Sons of Italy hotlines, she finally tracked him in another city. Without knocking on the door she burst into the apartment and found Giano with another woman. Rose, upset, asked “How did this start?” Giacomo answered, C’mon Rose the bakery was out of bread.” This story has many twists and turns let’s go to our reporter Mark Lantero with his take on the matter. LANTERO You know many years ago I had an uncle Pasquale Cantalupo. He told my aunt Fanny that he was going to the store to buy a pack cigarettes and never came back. On one hand my aunt was very upset because she was a chain smoker and needed a cigarette, on the other hand she was happy to get rid of the old bum. Back to you guys in the studio. JOEY This story is from a small town outside of Buffalo, a judge gave a middle aged man a divorce from his 14 year old wife. The judge asked the 40 year old man why he decided to divorce the teenager. He said, because “she acts like a kid.” JOEY In Flushing New York an old lady called the police. She reported the man next door keeps wandering around with no clothes on with his curtain open, when the police arrived they looked through the window, and told the old woman “We can’t see into the house at all from here,” the old gal told the policeman, “No you have to climb on the dresser and look out the skylight!” JOEY This story just came across my desk, a truck loaded with Viagra crashed into a Chicago River bridge. It’s been reported that four hours have passed and the bridges are still up. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Cent 'anni , and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 10 WISE GUYS LIVE Pomponio MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! Stories direct from our reporters from all over the countryside and other places. GILGALLO Let’s begin. Somewhere in the world a woman give birth to a child every minute. We have to find this woman and tell her to stop. GILGALLO A fact that you may want to know. A modern woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, 16 pounds of assorted makeup, eyeshadow, creams, pushup bras, various padding and has plastic surgery on her cheeks, nose, lips, then complains she can’t find a real man. Our reporter is standing by with Addy Walker. She owns a beauty shop on El Paseo in Palm Springs. Our reporter Tony Pomponio is standing by, Tony? POMPONIO We’re here with Addy Walker, who owns “Shear Pleasure Beauty Salon” could you tell us why so many women feel they have to get all dolled up so they can appeal to men? ADDY GILGALLO ROME (Reuters) - Italian farmers are installing showers and air conditioning in cowsheds and pigsties to allow the animals to freshen up in the baking summer heat, an agriculture group said on Thursday. Another group reported that Italian cows produced 50 million liters less milk than usual in the first 15 days of the month and chickens laid between 5 and 10 percent fewer eggs. JOEY TUSCANY, Italy – The Tuscany City Council has just voted to take money from the city coffers to pay for construction work on the world-famous Leaning Tower of Pisa. Building experts predict if the tower is not straightened out, then it could topple over sometime around 2057. The city council treasurer said the warranty ran out in September of 1382. City Council president Gino de Vino, 83, said that they’ve asked construction companies for bids. De Vino noted that he had to pull the bid by The Ravioli Brothers Construction Company of Tuscany, since one of the brothers Olivo Ravioli is married to Tuscany’s chief-of-police Genoa Bologna-Ravioli. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 11 MONTIFORTE WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. Stories direct from our reporters from all over the countryside and other places. Things you never hear from any of cable or news stations. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! GILGALLO VENICE, Italy, Italy's national news agency, La Pizzeria, has conveyed that the city council of Venice will be voting on whether to secede from Italy. The Italian government has informed the mayor of Venice that he needs to make repairs to the Venice Canal System, that will cost more than 100 million dollars. 500 Pound Italian President Sergio Mattarella threatened to send in the Italian navy, to drain every canal in the city if the city doesn’t comply. The President added that he will also jail any Venetian citizens over the age of 80, who call him Pizza Face. GILGALLO Two reputable polls reflect Italy's desire to take a new direction in politics. The polls show that people are very likely support having a reality star as president. People mentioned are Tony Bennett, Lady GA GA, Nancy Sinatra and Snookie (from the popular American documentary, Jersey Shore) was the top choice. I don’t trust people in politics, it's time for something different." We have more on this story from senior reporter Frank Montifore. MONTIFORTE JOEY Gambling is very dangerous you can lose everything. Frankie Colangelo lost fifty dollars on a football game. Twenty five dollars on the game and twenty five dollars on the replay. JOEY An off-duty Russian soldier, visiting Rome was given a suspended jail sentence yesterday by an Italian court for committing an act of vandalism. He scrawled the words "This belongs to Mother Russia" on the Colosseum. He denied ever visiting Rom. He blamed any act of vandalism on the Ukraine. The US government again sanctioned Russia cutting the number of paper clips which the Russian embassy used by 25% and threatened to reduce the limit on staples as well if Moscow doesn't change its policy. JOEY I’m Joey Flowers, GILGALLO And I’m Richie Gilgallo And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 12 CICERON WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. GILGALLO This just in...Italian Senate voted unanimously to ban the use of the word Mafia. It was brought out that when people of other countries hear the word Mafia they immediately think of Italy or Chicago. An unnamed Italian Mafioso, who resides in Genoa, remarked that he is glad to hear of the banning of the word because that way the Mafia will be able to continue doing business without getting all of the bad publicity. GILGALLO Inventor Pasquale Rizzo latest invention are stained glass contact lenses, their made for people who want to sleep when their in church. Let’s go to our field reporter Steve Ciceron with a local inventor Frank Parmigano. CICERON We’re here with Frank “the Inventor” Parmigano. Tell our No Eyewitness News viewers about your latest invention. PARMIGANO JOEY ROME - The Italian government has just issued a statement it will no longer ship grapes to Germany. Italy stated that it is breaking the trade arrangement because two members of the German Cabinet insulted the Pope. German Engelbert Balderdink said the pope has no business telling people that they can't eat meat on Fridays. German Fritz GaGa Gunther stated that the Pope really needs to dress more like a normal person instead of like some kind of Mardi Gras celebrator. Germany says it will retaliate. If Italy ends the Grapes For Sauerkraut Trade Program then Germans never again purchase another Ferrari or Lamborghini. STORY 4 Pettigolezzo informed the newsmen that the island of Capri will be sold to the South American country of Peru. When asked why Italy was selling off one of its most popular islands, he responded by saying that it was due to financial reasons. "Okay, letsa justa say datta da number is-a between one million and 100 gazapapazillion."One reporter yelled out that there is no such number as a gazapapazillion. Two Italian policemen immediately handcuffed the reporter and shoved him in the back seat of a police car. "Anybody gotta any more aquestions fora me?" Pettigolezzo asked. "Ah datsa wadda thought...arrivederci” GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 13 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. STORY 1 No clue 29 percent of all Italians above the age of 16 have no clue, the highest score within the EU, a German research has concludedThe European average of people who have no clue is 14 percent. The Italian man and women are respectively 22% and 36% clueless. Leaving the Finnish and Dutch people far behind. STORY 2 Giulio Terzi, Italian minister of foreign affairs openly doubts these numbers. "Of course we have, like any other country, people who have no clue. But this research has included an disproportionate amount of elderly what makes the average percentage increase." The Italian government has proposed several ideas including an emergency loan of ideas and having lunch. STORY 3 A line in the movie Godfather had to be thrown out, one of the characters was half Polish and Half Italian, He made himself an offer he couldn’t understand. STORY 4 There’s a new poster out in to build Sicilian Pride. It’s says “Sicily, Land of Strong Men and Nervous Sheep. STORY 3 A famous local sports hero blamed pot for his failed drug test. STORY 4 A 19 year old woman is accused of stabbing another several people at an Anger management class GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 14 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. STORY Welcome to NoEyeWitness News. Things you never hear from any of cable or news stations. News You Can Fogettabout. STORY 1 This just in, there was a horrible mistake at St. Joseph’s hospital yesterday. A man who was scheduled for a vasectomy was instead give a sex change operation. He was told the bad news by his doctor Vito Scalparino. The patient went crazy, he yelled “I’ll never be able to experience sex again!” Dr. Scalparino said, “Of course you’ll still be able to experience sex again, “only it will have be watching x rated movies on your TV set. STORY 2 A woman from Nashville went to the dentist yesterday and the doctor told her your teeth are bad and I’ll have to do some drilling. The woman said “I’d rather have a baby!” The dentist said “lady make up your mind, I’ll have to adjust the chair. STORY 3 A doctor in Albany New York told his patient Joey Pastina “Well I have good news and bad news.” Joey said “lay it on be, Doc. What’s the bad news? The Doc said “You have Alzheimer’s disease.” Holy pasta fazulle!” What’s the good news Doc? “You can go home and fogettboutit!” STORY 4 Another sad story about Georgio Mancini, he save all his life to buy a cemetery plot. Then he took a cruise and was lost at sea. "Tune in next time or the more news you can “fogettabout.” STORY 3 A Palm Springs man is suing to have the letters H E L L taken out of the word hello. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 15 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. STORY 1 Welcome to NoEyeWitness News. Things you never hear from any of cable or news stations. News You Can Fogettabout. There a man from the Ozarks in Tennessee who passed away recently and left his entire estate to his bereaved widow. She can’t touch it until she’s 14. STORY 2 Women in Paris France are wearing perfumes that smell like flowers. Most me don’t like flowers, so Frankie Divicino in vented a great new scent. It’s called New Car interior. STORY 3 My uncle Dominic told me about his first date. “She was a lovely girl. He said their courtship was fast and furious. I was fast and she was furious!” STORY 4 Italian philosopher in the 1500’s offered this advice about marriage. “When a man steals your wife, there is no betters revenge that to let him keep her. STORY 5 Joe Deluca says his wife likes to talk the him during sex. He complained the other day she called him from a motel. "Tune in next time or the more news you can “fogettabout.” STORY 4 A Palm Springs lawyers pants erupted in flamed during an arson trial. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 16 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. Welcome to NoEyeWitness News. Things you never hear from any of cable or news stations. News You Can Fogettabout. STORY 1 The Vatican has published an edict. All religious people should follow the words of the Holy Father. He says “make love, not war, or do both. Get married! STORY 2 Some schools in New York are so tough, the school newspapers have obituary columns. STORY 3 In Chicago schools are so tough, when kids get their school picture taken, there’s one taken from the front and one from the side. STORY 4 Peter Martini, famous author and philosopher defines a psychiatrist as a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive question your wife asks you for nothing."Tune in next time or the more news you can “fogettabout.” STORY 3 Police were called to the I-10 freeway after a man dressed as a traffic cone was blocking traffic. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 17 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. ANNOUNCER Welcome to No Eyewitness News. These are stories from around the world that you can fogettabout! STORY 1 A women in Norway was arrested for training squirrels to attack her boyfriend. ANNOUNCER Studies show that the earh revolves around the sun, this might upset a few folks out there who think the world revolves around them. STORY 1 A local psychic was hit by a car she told police she didn’t see it coming. ANNOUNCER A Palm Desert resident reported that he was frightened by a mysterious bright light when officers arrived the determined th light source was the moon shining through tree branches. The man was arrested for eating too many gummy bears. STORY 1 A mountain center news paper reported that Big Foot kept a lumberjack as a love slave. The lumber jack is recovering at a local mental institution. ANNOUNCER A Yucca Valley couple was arrested for selling phony tickets to heaven. Police are investigating their claims. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time.

NO EYE WITNESS NEWS 18 WISE GUYS LIVE MIKE COLONNA GILGALLO Hi, I’m Rich Gilgallo JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers Welcome to No Eyewitness News. News you can fogettabout! News you don’t care about, News for Youz! Take it away Richie. ANNOUNCER A Palm Springs caller told the 911 operator that someone on her block was yelling for HELP. Police visited the Little Tuscany address and discovered a little old lady was calling for her cat named HELP! STORY 1 A Bermuda Dunes man placed an ad in the local newspaper seeking someone who could do a good Donald Duck voice to impress his girlfriend with a romantic message. GILGALLO That’s all the NO EYEWITNESS NEWS FOR TONIGHT. I’m Richie Gilgallo, JOEY And I’m Joey Flowers, And that’s the No Eyewitness news for tonight. Salute, Ciente Ania, and Arrivederci until next time. ANNOUNCER