One Unlucky Guy

ONE UNLUCKY GUY Wise Guys Sketch By Mike Colonna Nick “The Nose” Manicotti Tony “The Forehead” Pomponio Frank “Dimples” Montiforte Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando One Unlucky guy Frank DiGambliano The Voice Larry Capeloto A news desk with a TV Monitor and One Unlucky Guy from the Cook County Jail. (V.O.)THE VOICE Today we ask four gentlemen from Chicago’s underworld questions about how men with such low IQ”s have become so successful. Frowning, Manicotti, Pomponio, Montiforte, Dijerlando all look up to the ceiling looking for semblance or source of the voice. VO THE VOICE Although they are pillar of their families, (they all have happy faces nodding approval) they all have amassed records as “bookies,” scoundrels, and hitmen for local gangsters. (They look for the voice, with ticked off expressions.) VO THE VOICE Let’s introduce our lineup. They all brush off their clothes, ready for their introduction. VO THE VOICE Of losers MONTIFORTE Who you calling a loser (looking for the voice under the table, the walls, ceiling.) VO THE VOICE Nick “The Nose” Monicote. (Monicote parades his proud nose) he’s the one with the long nose who thinks he looks like a handsome Cyriac Dibergio, (Monicote proudly accepts the comparison) Pause but really looks like a poor mans pinochio. (Manicotti is pissed, looking for the voice) The nose has gotten him in a of trouble, once he thought lost his wallet and sniffed around his home like a “bloodhound” until his wife showed up and caught him eating their dog’s kibble. Manicotti is visibly upset with the Voice. VO THE VOICE Then there’s Tony “The Forehead” Pomponio, (Tony is pressing his hair to display his forehead) He too has a penchant for disgracing his family. POMPINIO Penchant, what’s a penchant? (Looking for the voice) VO THE VOICE He’s been caught feeding pigeons at Buckingham Fountain, trapping them, taking them home to his wife pretending they were small chickens. (Pomponio looks for the Voice with vengeance) VO THE VOICE His family lives a life of luxury (Pomponio chest out proud smiles at his pals, salutes the Voice for the compliment, but his family has no idea that he wet’s the bed at night. VO THE VOICE Then there’s Frankie “Dimples” Montiforte. (MORE) 2. He’s enamoured with Pomponio’s forehead but doesn’t let on that he has felling for Tony “The Forehead.” (Frankie looks up in disgust at the Voice looking for the voice) MONTIFORTE (Looking up at the voice) I do not have feeling for Tony “The Forehead.” (Fist at the Voice) Take it back, VO THE VOICE Ok, I’ll take it back...(Frankie looks pleased for a moment) VO THE VOICE No I won’t take it back! (Frankie needs to find the voice) Just admit it, you are in love with Tony “The Forehead,” and everyone knows it. The panel nods up at the Voice in agreement. MONTIFORTE I am not VO THE VOICE You are too MONTIFORTE Not Everyone agrees with the Voice. Now we have Tony “The Godfather” Dijerlando. Tony at one time weighed more than 450 pounds. He went on a potato diet and in two years has lost more than 200 pounds. The Godfather, stands and show’s off his body. VO THE VOICE The Godfather has a reputation of being the consigliere for the mob, he is looked up as role model by their families. VO THE VOICE (CONT'D) (MORE) 3. (The Godfather is proud of the compliment, shows it) but the word is that The Godfather sleeps with a blow up doll and calls her “Tricksy” after his first wife. (The Godfather scorns the Voice with a scowl and fist.) Let’s listen in while Nick “The Nose” brings the panel to order.