Tony’s Barber Shop
Creator Mike Colonna
714-747-5670
Script Fest
October 24 Tuesday 10am
Cast: “The Wise Guys Players”
Tony Castelli: Proprietor Larry Capeloto
Frankie Milano: customer Tony Pomponio
Trixie: Nail girl Fran Pomponio
Toots: Foot massage girl Jenny Capeloto
Mamma Castelli Receptionist: Alice Harnell
Second Customer: Morris Diamond
Beat Cop: Officer Joey Pelligrini Denny Pezzin
Logline: Catching up on the latest gossip at Tony’s Barber Shop.
Synopsis: Mamma Castelli welcomes Frankie Milano, a local wise guy to Tony’s Barber Shop. Tony chats with his favorite client Frankie who has all kinds of problems.
Trixie, the nail girl and Toots, the massage gal, chime in with advice while Mamma Castelli tries to keep order.
Rabbi Morris Diamond, the only non-Italian, sits in a barber chair while Mamma Castelli massages his shoulders listening and reacting to Tony’s conversation with Frankie and the girls.
Officer Joey Pelligrini stops at Tony’s Barbershop while making the rounds in his Chicago neighborhood.
The characters discuss topics including erotic movies, how spaghetti sauce promotes romance and how mother-n-laws affect happy marriages.
Doctor Phil would be amazed at what could be learned at Tony’s Barbershop.
Short comedy script. “Uncle Vito’s Funeral,” and “Tony’s Barbershop,” are short vignettes that will be filmed at a later date and included as part of our TV Comedy Talk Show, “Wise Guys Cooking.”
The actors are seasoned pros that have been in and around show business as actors, record promoters and appear during the season in local venues like “Franks Place,” “Vickies of Santa Fe,” and other local night spots.
Mike Colonna, former NBC Page, News writer, assignment editor for KNBC and NBC News, Los Angeles. He’s been writing blogs, short stories and screenplays. Currently “Stringer,” “The Homeless Detective,” “Fort Red Bull,” and creator of “Wise Guys Cooking,” comedy talk show.
INT: Tony’s Barbershop - Chicago - Afternoon
Rabbi Morris Diamond has been escorted to a barber chair by Mamma Castelli. She sits the Rabbi down and puts a towel around his neck and shoulders.
Tony has his back to the audience while arranging barber tools on his counter. He acknowledges the Rabbi.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Hello Rabbi, how are you
doing today.
Rabbi Diamond
Shalom
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Back at you Rabbi.
Mamma Castelli is now massaging the Rabbi’s shoulders and one of Tony’s regulars, Wise Guy Frankie Milano walks to the receptionist counter and rings the bell.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
I’ll be right with you
Frankie.
She meets Frankie at the receptionist counter and walks him to an empty barber chair. Tony’s waits for his favorite customer.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Frankie, how’s you face?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My face is fine, Tony, how’s
You face?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Have you met Rabbi Morris Diamond?
Tony acknowledges the Rabbi.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Shalom
(Nodding approval Mamma Castelli massages his shoulders.)
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Happy Jewish things to you and,
what not.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
(Double take back to his massage)
Lower if you don’t mind.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
(Begins a serious massage of the
Rabbi’s shoulders.)
Rabbi, Do you ever go to the doctor?
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
No I quit going the last time
I went I noticed all his Plants
were dead.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Frankie do you want the works?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Of course.
Tony begins Frankie’s prep. Towel around the face. Sharpening his scissors and signals his two assistants.
Rabbi Diamond keeps grabbing Mamma Castelli’s hand and lowering down to his chest.
Mamma Castelli is not taking the bait, she keeps her hands on Rabbi Diamonds shoulders.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Have you met Trixie and Toots?
The Rabbi looks over in stark approval.
Tony (cont)
I don’t think I’ve had the
pleasure, if you know what I mean.
Trixie and Toots take their place on each side of the barber chair as Tony begins to check Tony’s hair and beard with his hands. Trixie begins massaging Frankie’s hands, Toots massages Frankie’s feet.
Tony (cont. Larry Capeloto)
It’s been a few months.
How’s the family?
Mamma Castelli is vigorously massaging the Rabbi’s shoulder, Rabbi Diamond keeps taking her left hand and lowering it to his chest. Mamma Castelli pats his shoulder with disapproval.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My wife is mad at me. I can’t
figure it out.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Let’s hear about it.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My wife she likes romantic
movies. So I take her to a
romantic movie, very erotic.
We leave the show and She asks
me ‘Frankie why don’t you make
passionate love to me like he
did in the Movie?” I said are
you kidding me?
Do you know how much that guy
gets paid for that?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
What’s wrong with that? That
sounds like the natural thing
to say.
Frankie
Speaking about mad passionate
love. My wife and I make the
best Italian spaghetti sauce.
You wonder why Italians have
so many kids?
Spaghetti sauce, that’s the reason.
Frankie (Cont)
After a nice Spaghetti feast
on Sunday afternoon with my
brothers and their wives
The spaghetti sauce puts a
twinkle in their eyes.
The next thing you know they
Go upstairs to the bedrooms, to
discuss family matters, and
madonna, nine months later we
have a little Gina or Gueseppi
running around. If they’re
Upstairs for more than four hours,
I call the animal control.
Toots Gueseppi
In my family we all called it
Romance was the furthest thing
from my mothers mind. I never
thought of Spaghetti sauce and
romance.
Enter beat cop Joey Pelligrini.
Officer Joey Pelligrini
Everything going OK in here?
Tony
Hey Joey maybe you can settle
something for us.
Officer Joey Pelligrini
You bet,I’m getting hungry it’s
gonna be time for lunch here
pretty soon. (Looking at his watch)
Frankie
Joey, what-a-you-think? I say
that spaghetti sauce is the
fruit of romance. Every time
the little lady makes pasta and
her magic spaghetti sauce, my
brothers and sisters leave the
table after they eat to discuss
family matters upstairs in private.
Toots
How can pasta gravy have any
affect on a man?
Officer Joey Pelligrini
Hey Toots’ don’t embarrass
your self. The only way to make
a man happy is through his stomach.
It’s spaghetti sauce, not gravy.
Frankie
You’re right Joey. My brothers
always have a twinkle in their
eye after they eat a bowl of pasta
with spaghetti sauce. The sauce
must do the trick my brothers
have six kids each. And we’re
having spaghetti again this
weekend. Maddonna.
(A Jackie Gleason Shake across
his body.)
Officer Joey Pelligrini
I’m glad I could settle this
discussion.
Spaghetti sauce, romance.
Guess what we’re having for dinner
tonight?
Tony
(Lifts up his barber brush)
Hey Joey, Salute’!
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
Frankie you lead a happy life.
Last week my Husband left me
for good. The only problem
is he left his mother.
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
That’s crazy. When my mother-n-law
died I got a message from the
mortician.
He wanted to know if he should bury,
embalm, or cremate the Old woman.
I told him “all 3, lets not take any
chances.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
You think that’s crazy, I got
so mad at Tony, one day someone
from the old age home knocked on
our door and asked for a contribution,
Tony wanted to give them my mother.
The Rabbi keeps grabbing Mamma Castelli’s hand and
Moving it closer to his chest.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Pretend I’m an old icon.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
You mean like Mount Rushmore?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
You know Tony we’re all working
to hard.
My wife always says to me, Why can’t
you come home exhausted like the man
next door?
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
I asked my husband if I was the
first girl he ever made love to.
He said “it’s possible, if you
were in Pittsburgh 1980?”
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
Men, (sigh), You wise guys are all
the same. My husband never tells
the truth.
He went hunting one night with his
pals, he told me he bagged a cougar,
I asked him how did you know it was a
cougar, he said she was about 40 years
old, wore a tight dress and ordered
a Moscow mule.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Hey Tony are you almost done?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
I still have to do a little trim
around your ears. It’s been one of
those days.
(Frankie looks at Mamma Castelli)
Tony (Cont)
Look at my wife, she’s stayed
With me through thick and thin.
She does have her little problems,
I was trying to convince her that a
husband is like a fine wine,it
get’s better with Age. The next day
she locked me up in the celler.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
I admire my uncle Luigi. He believes
That marriage and a career don’t mix,
So when he got married he stopped
Working.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
I’ve always felt that all marriages
are happy in the beginning, it’s
the living together afterward (pause)
that’s the problem.
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
Husbands, ugh. I met my husband
Joey at a dance,it was so
embarrassing. I Thought he was home
with the kids.
Trixie (Fran Capeloto)
My husband and I were introduced by a
mutual friend, the bus boy at the
pizza parlor.
He’s no longer my friend.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
We’re almost done, Frankie. How are
Your kids doing?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Funny you should ask. My daughter
Gina is currently going to college
back east.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
What is she taking.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
She’s taking everything I’ve got!
(Pause)
But I’m proud of Her. She’s majoring
in Angies List. I don’t know, some
kind of list.
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
Wasn’t there a movie about Angies
list?
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
That was Schindler’s list.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
It’s one of those lists. Who knows?
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
Rabbi don’t you have a son that
was in a lot of trouble?
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Oy vey, tell me about it.
When he was 5 we sent him to
school at the synagogue.
He hated it.
Then we sent him to public School
he got kicked out.
Then we sent him to military school.
He wouldn’t take orders. They
discharged him.
Finally we sent him to Catholic
School.
I couldn’t believe it, he got A’s and
B’s, wonderful grades.
I said why have you changed?
He said, dad you would change too if
you walked into class and saw a Jewish
guy nailed to a cross.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My uncle Jimmy was a doctor.
I went to visit him once.
All of a sudden a nun runs in
screaming and crying. So my
uncle looked at her and told
her she was pregnant.
Was she pregnant? I don’t know,
but it got rid of her hiccups!
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Well girls let’s call it a day.
Frankie it’s always a pleasure to
Catch up on the local happenings.
(he looks at Mamma Castelli)
What are we having
For dinner tonight?
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
Pasta with Bolognese sauce, and
Cannoli’s with your favorite
wine from Tuscany.
Everyone’s’ invited but noone’s going
upstairs after dinner capice’?
(Pointing at the Audience)
Creator Mike Colonna
714-747-5670
Script Fest
October 24 Tuesday 10am
Cast: “The Wise Guys Players”
Tony Castelli: Proprietor Larry Capeloto
Frankie Milano: customer Tony Pomponio
Trixie: Nail girl Fran Pomponio
Toots: Foot massage girl Jenny Capeloto
Mamma Castelli Receptionist: Alice Harnell
Second Customer: Morris Diamond
Beat Cop: Officer Joey Pelligrini Denny Pezzin
Logline: Catching up on the latest gossip at Tony’s Barber Shop.
Synopsis: Mamma Castelli welcomes Frankie Milano, a local wise guy to Tony’s Barber Shop. Tony chats with his favorite client Frankie who has all kinds of problems.
Trixie, the nail girl and Toots, the massage gal, chime in with advice while Mamma Castelli tries to keep order.
Rabbi Morris Diamond, the only non-Italian, sits in a barber chair while Mamma Castelli massages his shoulders listening and reacting to Tony’s conversation with Frankie and the girls.
Officer Joey Pelligrini stops at Tony’s Barbershop while making the rounds in his Chicago neighborhood.
The characters discuss topics including erotic movies, how spaghetti sauce promotes romance and how mother-n-laws affect happy marriages.
Doctor Phil would be amazed at what could be learned at Tony’s Barbershop.
Short comedy script. “Uncle Vito’s Funeral,” and “Tony’s Barbershop,” are short vignettes that will be filmed at a later date and included as part of our TV Comedy Talk Show, “Wise Guys Cooking.”
The actors are seasoned pros that have been in and around show business as actors, record promoters and appear during the season in local venues like “Franks Place,” “Vickies of Santa Fe,” and other local night spots.
Mike Colonna, former NBC Page, News writer, assignment editor for KNBC and NBC News, Los Angeles. He’s been writing blogs, short stories and screenplays. Currently “Stringer,” “The Homeless Detective,” “Fort Red Bull,” and creator of “Wise Guys Cooking,” comedy talk show.
INT: Tony’s Barbershop - Chicago - Afternoon
Rabbi Morris Diamond has been escorted to a barber chair by Mamma Castelli. She sits the Rabbi down and puts a towel around his neck and shoulders.
Tony has his back to the audience while arranging barber tools on his counter. He acknowledges the Rabbi.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Hello Rabbi, how are you
doing today.
Rabbi Diamond
Shalom
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Back at you Rabbi.
Mamma Castelli is now massaging the Rabbi’s shoulders and one of Tony’s regulars, Wise Guy Frankie Milano walks to the receptionist counter and rings the bell.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
I’ll be right with you
Frankie.
She meets Frankie at the receptionist counter and walks him to an empty barber chair. Tony’s waits for his favorite customer.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Frankie, how’s you face?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My face is fine, Tony, how’s
You face?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Have you met Rabbi Morris Diamond?
Tony acknowledges the Rabbi.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Shalom
(Nodding approval Mamma Castelli massages his shoulders.)
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Happy Jewish things to you and,
what not.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
(Double take back to his massage)
Lower if you don’t mind.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
(Begins a serious massage of the
Rabbi’s shoulders.)
Rabbi, Do you ever go to the doctor?
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
No I quit going the last time
I went I noticed all his Plants
were dead.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Frankie do you want the works?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Of course.
Tony begins Frankie’s prep. Towel around the face. Sharpening his scissors and signals his two assistants.
Rabbi Diamond keeps grabbing Mamma Castelli’s hand and lowering down to his chest.
Mamma Castelli is not taking the bait, she keeps her hands on Rabbi Diamonds shoulders.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Have you met Trixie and Toots?
The Rabbi looks over in stark approval.
Tony (cont)
I don’t think I’ve had the
pleasure, if you know what I mean.
Trixie and Toots take their place on each side of the barber chair as Tony begins to check Tony’s hair and beard with his hands. Trixie begins massaging Frankie’s hands, Toots massages Frankie’s feet.
Tony (cont. Larry Capeloto)
It’s been a few months.
How’s the family?
Mamma Castelli is vigorously massaging the Rabbi’s shoulder, Rabbi Diamond keeps taking her left hand and lowering it to his chest. Mamma Castelli pats his shoulder with disapproval.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My wife is mad at me. I can’t
figure it out.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Let’s hear about it.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My wife she likes romantic
movies. So I take her to a
romantic movie, very erotic.
We leave the show and She asks
me ‘Frankie why don’t you make
passionate love to me like he
did in the Movie?” I said are
you kidding me?
Do you know how much that guy
gets paid for that?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
What’s wrong with that? That
sounds like the natural thing
to say.
Frankie
Speaking about mad passionate
love. My wife and I make the
best Italian spaghetti sauce.
You wonder why Italians have
so many kids?
Spaghetti sauce, that’s the reason.
Frankie (Cont)
After a nice Spaghetti feast
on Sunday afternoon with my
brothers and their wives
The spaghetti sauce puts a
twinkle in their eyes.
The next thing you know they
Go upstairs to the bedrooms, to
discuss family matters, and
madonna, nine months later we
have a little Gina or Gueseppi
running around. If they’re
Upstairs for more than four hours,
I call the animal control.
Toots Gueseppi
In my family we all called it
Romance was the furthest thing
from my mothers mind. I never
thought of Spaghetti sauce and
romance.
Enter beat cop Joey Pelligrini.
Officer Joey Pelligrini
Everything going OK in here?
Tony
Hey Joey maybe you can settle
something for us.
Officer Joey Pelligrini
You bet,I’m getting hungry it’s
gonna be time for lunch here
pretty soon. (Looking at his watch)
Frankie
Joey, what-a-you-think? I say
that spaghetti sauce is the
fruit of romance. Every time
the little lady makes pasta and
her magic spaghetti sauce, my
brothers and sisters leave the
table after they eat to discuss
family matters upstairs in private.
Toots
How can pasta gravy have any
affect on a man?
Officer Joey Pelligrini
Hey Toots’ don’t embarrass
your self. The only way to make
a man happy is through his stomach.
It’s spaghetti sauce, not gravy.
Frankie
You’re right Joey. My brothers
always have a twinkle in their
eye after they eat a bowl of pasta
with spaghetti sauce. The sauce
must do the trick my brothers
have six kids each. And we’re
having spaghetti again this
weekend. Maddonna.
(A Jackie Gleason Shake across
his body.)
Officer Joey Pelligrini
I’m glad I could settle this
discussion.
Spaghetti sauce, romance.
Guess what we’re having for dinner
tonight?
Tony
(Lifts up his barber brush)
Hey Joey, Salute’!
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
Frankie you lead a happy life.
Last week my Husband left me
for good. The only problem
is he left his mother.
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
That’s crazy. When my mother-n-law
died I got a message from the
mortician.
He wanted to know if he should bury,
embalm, or cremate the Old woman.
I told him “all 3, lets not take any
chances.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
You think that’s crazy, I got
so mad at Tony, one day someone
from the old age home knocked on
our door and asked for a contribution,
Tony wanted to give them my mother.
The Rabbi keeps grabbing Mamma Castelli’s hand and
Moving it closer to his chest.
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Pretend I’m an old icon.
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
You mean like Mount Rushmore?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
You know Tony we’re all working
to hard.
My wife always says to me, Why can’t
you come home exhausted like the man
next door?
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
I asked my husband if I was the
first girl he ever made love to.
He said “it’s possible, if you
were in Pittsburgh 1980?”
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
Men, (sigh), You wise guys are all
the same. My husband never tells
the truth.
He went hunting one night with his
pals, he told me he bagged a cougar,
I asked him how did you know it was a
cougar, he said she was about 40 years
old, wore a tight dress and ordered
a Moscow mule.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Hey Tony are you almost done?
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
I still have to do a little trim
around your ears. It’s been one of
those days.
(Frankie looks at Mamma Castelli)
Tony (Cont)
Look at my wife, she’s stayed
With me through thick and thin.
She does have her little problems,
I was trying to convince her that a
husband is like a fine wine,it
get’s better with Age. The next day
she locked me up in the celler.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
I admire my uncle Luigi. He believes
That marriage and a career don’t mix,
So when he got married he stopped
Working.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
I’ve always felt that all marriages
are happy in the beginning, it’s
the living together afterward (pause)
that’s the problem.
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
Husbands, ugh. I met my husband
Joey at a dance,it was so
embarrassing. I Thought he was home
with the kids.
Trixie (Fran Capeloto)
My husband and I were introduced by a
mutual friend, the bus boy at the
pizza parlor.
He’s no longer my friend.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
We’re almost done, Frankie. How are
Your kids doing?
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
Funny you should ask. My daughter
Gina is currently going to college
back east.
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
What is she taking.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
She’s taking everything I’ve got!
(Pause)
But I’m proud of Her. She’s majoring
in Angies List. I don’t know, some
kind of list.
Trixie (Fran Pomponio)
Wasn’t there a movie about Angies
list?
Toots (Jenny Capeloto)
That was Schindler’s list.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
It’s one of those lists. Who knows?
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
Rabbi don’t you have a son that
was in a lot of trouble?
Rabbi Diamond (Morris)
Oy vey, tell me about it.
When he was 5 we sent him to
school at the synagogue.
He hated it.
Then we sent him to public School
he got kicked out.
Then we sent him to military school.
He wouldn’t take orders. They
discharged him.
Finally we sent him to Catholic
School.
I couldn’t believe it, he got A’s and
B’s, wonderful grades.
I said why have you changed?
He said, dad you would change too if
you walked into class and saw a Jewish
guy nailed to a cross.
Frankie (Tony Pomponio)
My uncle Jimmy was a doctor.
I went to visit him once.
All of a sudden a nun runs in
screaming and crying. So my
uncle looked at her and told
her she was pregnant.
Was she pregnant? I don’t know,
but it got rid of her hiccups!
Tony (Larry Capeloto)
Well girls let’s call it a day.
Frankie it’s always a pleasure to
Catch up on the local happenings.
(he looks at Mamma Castelli)
What are we having
For dinner tonight?
Mamma Castelli (Alice Harnell)
Pasta with Bolognese sauce, and
Cannoli’s with your favorite
wine from Tuscany.
Everyone’s’ invited but noone’s going
upstairs after dinner capice’?
(Pointing at the Audience)
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